the joy of arguing

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You may think it strange but one of the good things about being able to hear more is being able to argue, to stand up for yourself,  to put your point of view.

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How can you argue a point if you aren’t completely sure of what has been said?  In the past few years when my hearing had descended into profound depths  I was never really sure that what I thought had been said had been said.  When people mutter under their breath,  make asides,  or speak quickly then  you miss things.  I used to take so long to work out what someone had said that the moment had passed.  You have to seize those moments – carpe diem.  Some people if they know you are deaf pretend they never said what they did in the first place, then can lie and undermine your confidence.  They can use the power they have in being able to hear to batter you down.

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Arguing, debating, discussion are all emotional actions.  I had never fully realised until this week that this outlet is denied to many hard of hearing and deaf people. 

What brought about this eureka moment? – I spent some time with an old friend.  A bit of history here.  We moved to Canada  three years ago but before this  over the past 20 years I have been visiting and staying with my very good friend the Log House Lady.  Over time some of  her friends have become my friends. 

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I spent some time with one of them this week.  She’s a larger than life woman with opinions and emotions and she expresses them freely and volubly.  Larger Than Life Woman and I spent the day together,  and it was wonderful for me to be able to respond, to counter.  We had a great day together, we shared “stuff”.  I know it would not have been the same for either of us without my CI, the last time we met it was hard for me to follow the conversation and I was saddened by this.  I now know that she was too. 

The whole meeting was cathartic for me.

Now that I can hear pretty well and I won’t take life lying down.  This doesn’t mean that I am going to be out there ranting and raving.  I does mean that I don’t have to sit there and smile and nod and agree.  

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9 responses »

  1. Oh goodness, this is what we talked about today.

    When grandma needed a hearing aid she fought it.
    Then, when my mother would pretend she heard what we said, but really didn’t, I lost that spirit of her!

    We always felt that when mom could hear she was rather in charge. There was mom’s way and the wrong way!

    When she lost her hearing we lost a grand part of her. Including her fight against cancer. She didn’t always hear what they said. She took treatments that, ultimately, killed as she no longer knew how to fight for quality of life.

    Today, watching across the lake, hubby thought I said, “There goes the goat!”

    He asks if I want to hear what he thought I said. Unlike mom, who faked it, we can embrace the moments and truly laugh. There is not treatment for his hearing loss (30 %) and I protect him when we are out, by repeating things for him.

    It is grand.

    Bless you for sharing. You are coming into your own.
    Take care!

    • Sometimes, oftentimes, you have to fake it. There is a limit to how many times you can guess what has been said.

      You husband is lucky to have a wife who tries to understand.

  2. Yeah, I HATE it when someone some time after any conversation says ‘oh, you must have misheard me’ – when they’ve changed their mind about what they said. This happened several times with an (unpopular) ex-boss of mine. I used to get mad cos even though I don’t hear well, what I DO hear I know I’ve heard correctly. As my partner pointed out recently, I often check what I have heard, more so than the average population. Grrrrr!

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